Pet Peeves – 2017 – AKA Shit That Pisses me Off

Ah Facebook, you little darling you! I was reminded through the “Memories” pop up that it’s time for my annual Pet Peeves blog. You know, the one time of year that I bitch, whine, complain and use plenty of foul language. (Consider yourself warned if you are easily offended.) If I am going to be honest, it is probably my favorite blog of the year to write. Be prepared for foul language. I expect you to snicker, smirk, and comment on your own pet peeves. And BTW – if you like the piece, share it to make the world a better place for ME (kidding, not kidding). Share, comment, spread the love and if you aren’t subscribed, what the hell are you waiting for? It’s FREE, I don’t share your info and you only hear from me once a week.

Top of the Pet Peeves list – People who bicker over the check

If you are out to eat with friends, you are probably going to do it again, just split the check evenly; it will all come out in the wash eventually. Friend Lebette calls it a “combat split” and I love that phrase. To be honest, women are guilty of this more often than men. I have been on the receiving end of a check where a bottle of wine was ordered, I didn’t drink any (you all know that!) and still I kicked in an equal share. If you like these people well enough to dine with them, just split the fucking check! Caveat – if it’s a one-time thing, or a business lunch, ask for separate checks at the beginning of the meal so you don’t harass the wait staff.

My “Bar Fail” pet peeves are the same as last year. You can read them here. However, I have started to point out the lack of hooks under the bar as a “fail” to bartenders and managers that I personally know. Miraculously, hooks have appeared!

Step to the Side

Lack of Situational Awareness – For the record, we are all guilty of this every once in a while, especially if we have been imbibing. DO NOT stop at the bottom of the escalator blocking the traffic behind you from disembarking; step to the side. DO NOT stop in the middle of the walkway to have a conversation; step to the side. DO NOT crawl up my ass at the checkout, the ATM or anywhere frankly; give me arm’s length distance. DO “stand right, walk left” when on escalators and moving sidewalks.

People who use the handicap accessible stalls in the restroom when they don’t NEED it really piss me off. Friend Bailey is in a wheelchair and NEEDS that stall. Old broads with walkers NEED that stall. Be fucking grateful that you DON’T, and walk the extra couple of feet. If there is a lineup for the restroom, all bets are off. And it super-duper sends me into fucking orbit when I see kids do it. Their parents must be morons too. Mom always said, “You are fully able bodied, use the regular stall. I don’t care if the handicapped one is bigger!”

And while we are on the subject of restroom pet peeves– ladies, please keep in mind that a public restroom isn’t your personal vanity station. Do your fucking makeup at home. No one wants to look at your hair in the sink, watch you put on false eyelashes or do anything more than touch up your lipstick. Piss, wash your hands and get out of the damn way. Others are waiting (lack of situational awareness again) for you to move your ass. And for fuck’s sake, stop taking bathroom selfies! No one wants to see that shit either!

If you own a dog and walk it in a public place, pick up your dog’s shit! Please, for the rest of us that use that trail, sidewalk or park, be polite. No one wants to step in or smell that.

Corporate Greed

I REALLY despise that the casinos have started to charge for parking here in Vegas. It was always one of the coolest perks to living here. Even the valet at the Caesar’s mall is charging. Ok,let me get this straight – so I’m going to spend money in your establishment and you want me to pay to park my vehicle too? Fuck you! I will spend my money someplace else. I find this annoying in the extreme when I am staying at the fucking hotel for a staycation or a conference. I do not mind paying to park on the city streets with a meter (I do mind it when the meter doesn’t work and I get a ticket). It’s the consistent greed of big business that really yanks my chain. Aren’t the gamblers losing enough money to suit you? Now you want to put your hands twice into the pockets of locals dining at one of your restos or paying to see a show? Fuck you again. And Disney? Six Flags? You are on this shit list too!

If I am in a designated smoking area, do not ask me to put out my butt, move away from you or wave your hand in front of your face to move the smoke or affect a fake cough. YOU walked into this area knowing there would be smoking. And smokers, be respectful of non-smoking areas.

And a short list of pet peeves that needs no explanation:

  • Cheating spouses who blame their partner for their own running around.
  • Men who wear hats (other than a yarmulke) at the table.
  • Vegans who tell you that you suck because you eat animal products.
  • People who try to get me to eat at vegan restos. I am not their target demographic.
  • Fake food and food pretending to be something other than what it is. e.g. Cauliflower “rice”. Vegan “meat”.
  • Phony people.
  • Slut shaming.
  • Body image shaming.
  • Litterbugs.

Don’t be that person

And finally, I can’t stand drunk drivers. It’s fine to get drunk. It is fine to drive. Just don’t do them together. Recently a 16 year old lost his life on the way to school in my ‘hood because some ass was drunk at 6:30 in the morning. Don’t be that person. Call a cab or use Lyft or get a hotel room. All of them are cheaper than the alternative. You could be saving your own life AND the life of someone else.