Before we get into the meat of this – THANK YOU! It has been nearly 4 years since I began this blog, a passion project really, and I appreciate each and every click, like and share. If you are subscribed to this blog thank you twice! My goal this year is to double my readership, so if you love this, share it! If you hate it, share it twice <snicker>. And of course, follow along on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter for more bites.
I have been crabby and restless lately and it makes me want to write about being crabby and restless. The thing is when I am crabby my pet peeves come to the forefront and as I thought about it, I realized I hadn’t shared with all of you in a while the things that make my head explode. So here’s this year’s list. If I have shared any of them before it’s because they STILL piss me off. Be warned this post will be riddled with foul language.
- Gentlemen – remove your fucking hat at the damn table unless it is a yarmulke. Few things annoy me more than seeing grown ass men wearing baseball caps, cowboy hats or the hipster trilby and fedora at the table. And while we are on the subject of hats, baseball hats are meant to keep the sun out of your eyes, if you are going to wear one, put the fucking bill in the FRONT where it belongs.
- Ladies – wear shoes that are your size. No one wants to see you slip slopping out of your too high heels and busting your ass. Additionally I don’t want to see your heels and or toes hanging over the edges of your shoes. I REALLY can’t stand it when a celebrity on the red carpet has toes hanging out of her shoes. Fire your damn stylist woman because she isn’t doing her job.
- I have been reading a LOT of other work online lately and all I can say is WOW! I know many bloggers write because it is their passion. A few write to placate their own egos and others because they have info of value to share. TIP: Use the spellchecker for Christ’s sake! It’s free! I have seen so many grammatical, spelling and punctuation fuck ups this week that my eyes were bleeding. I read one piece that had so many mistakes I had to stop reading and it was on a NEWS SOURCE. That asshat was PAID to write and it was a disaster. (If you find mistakes in here, post in the comments so I can fix them! I try really hard to keep my shit in line.)
- While we are on the subject, use real words. I once read a blog post and the writer wrote at the completion of a recipe, and I shit you not, “Wala! It’s done!” Wala? What the actual fuck is Wala? Did they mean voila? I write “sandWISH”. I hope the capitalization is a clue to everyone reading it that it is a chuckle worthy word and one of my own making, like Rachel Ray’s “sammies”. I usually will put an asterisk with a footnote for first time readers to clue them in.
- If you don’t want the truth, don’t ask for it. I have been called brutally honest and I consider that a compliment. If you ask me for my opinion and I say, “Do you want the truth, or do you want me to tell you what you want to hear?” chances are you aren’t going to be happy with me when I am done speaking.
- I despise bars where I can’t smoke (don’t judge me). If I can’t light up with my beer, I am going to be irritated. THIS peeve is my biggest problem with the states of California and Washington.
- And while we are on the subject, if I am allowed to smoke, empty my goddamn ash tray. AND bring it back. I recently had a cocktail waitress at a casino bar who took my ashtray when I asked for it be emptied (Moment of Truth – I should never have to ask for my water glass to be filled or my ashtray to be emptied) and then she was gone for 15 minutes. Where the hell was I s’posed to put my butts? On the carpet?
- On the topic of bars, it aggravates me when there are no purse hooks under the bar. It’s almost as if they don’t want women to sit there. NO, I don’t want to hang my purse on the back of my chair where it might fall, get knocked off or get stolen (yes that happens). It’s even more aggravating when I am sitting on a true bar STOOL and there is no back to my seat.
- And finally, I have a real problem with people who talk shit about others behind their backs. Be courageous. Do the right thing. Don’t say anything behind someone’s back that you wouldn’t say to their face if asked. Trust me, you’ll feel better.